On a church door:
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS
DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE
DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
Sign in a Laundromat
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE
ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the
Prince of Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL
REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED.
OPEN TOMORROW.
Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG
20p DO-IT-YOURSELF
Seen at the side of a Sussex road:
SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE
NEXT 100 YRS.
Outside a disco:
SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN.
EVERYONE WELCOME
Sign warning of quicksand:
QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL
BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish:
DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS
AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES
BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP
THEM IN ORDER
Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN
AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE
FIRST FLOOR
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW
TO GET LESSONS
Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
If you have any enquiries, complaints or suggestions please e-mail me at earrings@eircom.net
